All of me
by jennylovescastle
Summary: Castle regrets not beeing with beckett after Countdown. 3x17
1. Chapter 1

Ok this is my first time. I don't have anyone to read beta but if ur a interested let me know. This is my first story and i would like to know what u think. I'm writing more of it rn but wanted to know what people though of the start. Please let me know.

And btw i don't own castle nor the the song *All of you* by John Legend.

It was another of those cases and part of Castle was glad to be finally home. But the other part of him wanted to be with her. „With her" he though again. I stood in his livingroom and all he could think about was how it would be to come home to her.

He shook his head. She was probably with Josh. The memory of how josh took her into his arms still hurt him.

He stepped over to the counter and got him a glas of water. He thought back to when he talked to her earlier today.

 **B: What would i do without your smart mouth**

She was so close to him he could almost touch her. Her eyes were on his lips but then she stepped back.

She was drawing me in and kicking me out , he thought. Got my head spinning, no kidding

He needed to get her out of his system. He walked over to the cabinet and got him a wiskey. He took the glas and sat on his sofa. The bottle was emty before he even realiesed it. And he started a second one. Lost in his thoughts, thoughts about her.

Becketts Appartment

She was alone, she needed to be alone. When she and Castle were saved Josh was there. He was just there. She though he was gone. Now he was back and pickup where they left. But what wanted she? She though it was over with him not only because he needed to leave jobwise. She though it was over because he didn't want her. And she was relifed because she didn't want to be with him. And now he was back and she just had to do it.


	2. Chapter 2

She had to break up with him. And she did. He was so upset and she was sorry for it, but she couldn't stay there and pretend she cared. It was hard but it was for the best.

But what does that mean? She was single now she was alone and free. Well but that was not what she wanted. She shook her head. She knew what she wanted and she knew she had to be true to herself. After all those years she needed to do the right thing for once. She took her coat and left.

Castles Loft:

Castle was still in the living room. He had finished over one bottles of Whiskey to get her out of his system. And it seemed to be a good idea back then but know he felt lonely and just stared at his whiskey. He heard a knock somewhere far away, but than he noticed that it wasn't far away it was his door. Someone was at his door. But who? Alexis was with a friend and mother was in the Hamptons. He stood up and notice how dizzy he was. But the banging didn't stop. He walked over and opened the door.

,,Just a minute", he said. He than saw who there was. It was her. He looked at her confused his foggy mind trying to proceed.

She looked at him. He looked different she though.

They just stood there a couple of minutes looking at each other. Beckett than suddenly moved past him into the loft. He closed the door and looked at her.

,,Castle we need to talk..."

That was all she said and he just walked over to the sofa and sat. Still fighting against the dozzyness in his head.

Now she knew what was different. He had been drinking and by the almost empty bottles next to him not just a bit. She couldn't talk to him know. Not like this when he was drunk and sad. He looked so sad, she wished she could change that but she didn't know how. He looked at her as her mind paced back and forth with all the possibility s.

He finally said in a weak and rough voice: ,,I can't pin you down. What's going on in that beautiful mind?"

„Castle i wanted to talk to you but i don't think this is the right time. I mean ..."she looked at the bottles „ maybe we should talk tomorrow.

He looked at her: ,,Kate I'm on your magical mystery ride  
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me  
But I'll be alright

She smiles a little and walked closer. She sat next to him and looked down on her hands.

,,Castle I don't know where to start... „she looked at him worried. He didn't look all to got. She should wait...she thought

,,My head's underwater  
But I'm breathing fine." he said with a little smile. ,, So now talk to me Kate." He looked at her and put his hand on her leg. She felt hot the moment he tough her. She was so in … she stopped herself from that thought.

,,Castle i know this is crazy. I just felt like i needed to talk to you. You know when we got out and Josh was there. We couldn't talk..."

Josh just hearing his name made him want to scream.

But he still looked at her and hoped she didn't notice.

But she did she saw the hint of jalousie in his eyes and smiled a little. ,,Castle we broke up."

,,You broke up? „ they did he started smiling and than looked serious again. He couldn't smile when she was hurt cause of a breakup.

,,I'm sorry" he said.

,,Don't be. I broke it off... you know we just don't fit and he is just..." not you she though but kept it to herself. ,,I know this sounds crazy and doesn't explain why i am here but i'm trying...


	3. Chapter 3

Ok Chapter 3. Please let me know what u think. If u don't know the Song, it's really good. I'm listing to to the cover from Bianca Ryan.

watch?v=8sFcfbeoKok

She than noticed that he had moved closer. One arm was around her shoulder and the other one was on her leg. And it moved up slowly. She just stared and felt she couldn't say a thing. She held her breath and his hand stooped under her chin. Holding her face close he was so close.

He whispered: ,,You're crazy and I'm outta my mind."

And he bent down and kissed her. She tasted whiskey but still mostly him. It was an exciting mix. His hands were now at her side pulling her closed and her hands moved through his hair. She felt so...she couldn't describe it. But than she stooped : ,, Castle we can't. Tonight we almost died and i felt like i needed to tell u how i feel but no i can't. I am a mess. And with me you are always in danger... She talked so fast it took him a minute to follow her thoughts.

,,Kate i don't care about the danger. And what a mess you are. All i care about is you..."

,,But how can you. I'm the one getting u in danger...How can u... care about me ?"

,,Kate cause all of me loves all of you. I  
Love your curves and all your edges.  
All your perfect imperfections I love the way you smile when i hand you coffee. I love how you always fight for the one that can't . You talk for the dead and you do an awesome job.

I love our flirts but please don't be afraid anymore.  
Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning .

With my crazy ideas  
Even when I lose, I'm winning, because i could make you smile.  
Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you."

She know he was good with words but this? It was amazing. It was omg. He loved her and omg. She couldn't stop the tears running down her cheeks and he slowly lifted his hand and wiped it softly away.

She smiled a little.

,,I must look awful.." she wiped away the tears and tried to take a deep breath.

,,Kate How many times do I have to tell you  
Even when you're crying, you're beautiful too?

To me you look always beautiful.  
The world is beating you down  
I'm around through every move. And it hurts to see you have to fight. But you keep fighting.  
You're my downfall, you're my muse  
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues.

Kate I love you."

She smiled she just couldn't say a word but she tried.

,,Castle you made me strong you made me believe. Rick without you i couldn't be who i am today. You changed my life you changed me. And i want all of u but if i.. if we... i can't loose you again..."

,,Kate Cards on the table  
We're both showing hearts  
Risking it all though it's hard.

But Kate it's worth it. I love you and even if i just have a day to life i want to spend it with you, with u and Alexis and mom. Cause all of me loves all of you. And that is all that matters."

He looked at her, one arm still around her and the other just moving over her hair.

She doesn't say another thing she just pulls him close and kisses him.


End file.
